The Cannae Sutra
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The Cannae Sutra
'A stimulating read' – The Auchernach Free Post & Advertiser 'Deeply disturbing' – Auchintoul Gazette 'An accursed, dorty, reeky, drochlin, houremongerin, shaan abomination of a book' – Cluanie Thunderer 'Ban this book' – Inchgrundle Times 'Ceased trading' – Ardteatle News 'Manky, mawkit and downright clarty. My wife loved it! ' – Editor, The Dunfankle Free Press Birds do it. Bees do it. Scots – um . . . Well do they? All is revealed (well, not quite all – this is Scotland) in The Cannae Sutra, a ground-breaking exposé of the nation's best-kept secrets. Sex, it seems, is not what coal is delivered in in Morningside. The nation's best-kept bedroom secrets are laid bare in this full frontal, no-holds barred (but by no means serious) peek at what is under the kilt, on every Scotsman's mind and can be induced by too much Irn Bru and porridge. Just make sure you know your houtie-croutie from you elbuck before embarking upon a bout of houghmagandy. The book contains previously unpublished historical material along with helpful advice on ticklish subjects. Topics covered include: techniques, positions, rubberwear, bondage, group sex, sheep love, Scottish porn, secrets of the sporran, FAQs of Life, shortbread fingers, Gaelic symbols, cybersex, curling and socks.
Awa' An' Bile Yer Heid!
David Ross has produced an extraordinary, eclectic and hilarious collection of thematically arranged Scottish insults, abuse and invective which has been wonderfully illustrated throughout by Rupert Besley. The best insults, according to the author, occupy an indefinite space between wit and abuse, containing elements of both to varying degree; they must always sting the victim, or else they are a failure. This book is full of rich and expressive examples of insult and invective for all occasions from all over Scotland. These have been passed down through the centuries or have emerged in modern times, proving that clever insults are infinitely more amusing and memorable than good jokes. And so, happy reading. If you don't like it, awa' an' bile yer heid!
Heist Denial
Author: William Pullar
language: en
Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
Release Date: 2024-07-19
One year after the death of the fourth member of the infamous Gang of Four, the remaining trio of aged bank robbers is struggling to adapt to life outside prison walls. Having served their last stint in jail following a botched robbery of a closed-down post office, during which they donned gorilla costumes, hi-viz jackets, and colourful Bermuda shorts, the gang now faces a two-year suspended sentence and the challenge of honouring their fallen comrade's dying wish to stay on the straight and narrow. As they navigate the idiosyncrasies of their fellow residents at the residential home, the trio, now known as The Trio, must also contend with the suspicions of a relentless detective who believes their deceased friend is alive and well, secretly orchestrating a string of heists across the Home Counties. With the detective convinced that the coffin is filled with bricks and stolen loot, The Trio must prove their innocence while adhering to the terms of their friend's generous will. Amidst the chaos, the Colonel works on his memoir, 'Confession of a Bank Robber', and delivers after-dinner speeches to the legal profession. Jock finds himself as the kilted bagpiper for the Tartanettes, a troupe of middle-aged Burlesquers, while Lenny attempts to improve his social skills. As the three vow to honor their late friend's wishes, a series of copycat heists and odd mysteries come to light, threatening to unravel their newfound freedom and redemption.