My Three Year Old Is A Barbarian And Other Parenting Problems
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My Three-Year-Old is a Barbarian and Other Parenting Problems
Stranded in a treacherous land where everything wants her dead, Petra must outsmart savage warriors and perilous terrain to survive. But can she make it back home alive? The low, guttural music of ancient sleeping deities conjures a spell that captures Petra and other people from her hometown. They are deposited in a deadly land and accused of feebling the mind of the Tradalorian king when Petra’s toddler swaps minds with the monarch. Now they are on the run from Sir Grey who wants to take advantage of the situation, slaughter his liege, and take the crown for himself. Petra and her group hear of a city with artifacts from Earth and must travel through woods where ancient terrors lurk. But there is strange magic stirring. The demon gods are awakening. Their siren sounds bleeding into our universe. Will she make it home alive and swap her son’s mind with the rightful king? Find out in the first Misfits of Carnt novel today.
My Three-Year-Old is a Barbarian and Other Parenting Problems
Author: Aaron Frale
language: en
Publisher: Independently Published
Release Date: 2023-07-16
Necromantic rituals, murderous ogres, battle-scarred rangers: not a typical Saturday detention for unsuspecting teaching assistant, Petra, and her delinquent teen charges. The Beaverton High School Breakfast Club show up for what they thought would be cleaning the locker room with a toothbrush when the morning goes horribly wrong, and they fall victim to a deadly, dark spell. Some jerkwad moon mage shoves the consciousness of Petra's three-year-old into the body of a musclebound barbarian, and she is transformed into a halfling. The kids get stuck as a cleric, fire mage, and other stalwarts of your typical fantasy gaming party. Now they must quest through a land of pissed-off warriors, angry giants, a pompous vampire, and a necromancer out to kill Petra and her child. Despite being in a world where everything threatens to shuffle off her mortal coil, the hardest part is convincing a hulked-out man that the battle axe is not a toy, the undead are not cuddly, and he should use the potty.
Time Burrito 5: The Fifth Book!
A Steamer Duck is back for more mayhem. The Church of David acolyte comes with a dire warning. Even Clara 543k, who once tried to murder the universe, escapes her prison outside of time and space. The entirety of existence is collapsing. Luckily, the multiverse has Clara, Pete, Unk, and Misako. Cut to awesome trailer cinematics: Misako craters the ground when she lands with a cool pose. Clara runs through a bombed-out WWII city dressed as a nurse. Pete is covered in flour, struggling in the kitchen, near death. Unk, in disco whites, roller skates up to a mob boss. Announcer: Time Burrito 5: The Fifth Book! Come on...are you serious? They already know it’s the fifth one! Author: Just keep reading. It’ll be cool. Announcer: Time Burrito 5: The Fifth Book! Coming to an eReader near you after you hit that purchase button.