Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way
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Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way
What you're reading right now is known as the "cover copy," or “flap copy.” This is where the 84,951 words of my latest book are cooked down to 350 words or less to capture your imagination/download. I pondered how to do that. Should I cut to the chase and reveal pivotal plot points like the one at the end of the book where the little girl on crutches points an accusing finger and shouts, "the killer is Mr. Porter"? No. I have too much respect for you as an intelligent consumer to attempt such an obvious ruse. But let's not play games here. You clicked your way to this page, so you either: A. Know who I am. B. Like the cool smoking jacket I'm wearing on the cover. Or: C. Thought this was a secret link to Ashley Madison. Is it a sequel to my autobiography If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor? Sadly, no, which made it much harder to write. Is it an "autobiographical novel"? Yes. I am the lead character in the story (coincidentally an actor), and I am a real person, and everything in the book actually happened - except for the stuff that didn't. The action revolves around my preparations for a pivotal role in the A-list relationship film, Let's Make Love! My Homeric attempt to break through the glass ceiling of B-grade genre fair is hampered by a vengeful studio executive and a production that becomes infected by something called the "B-movie virus" - symptoms of which include excessive use of cheesy special effects, slapstick, and projectile vomiting. From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal prison, this novel has it all. And if the 84,951 words are too time-consuming, there are lots and lots of cool graphics – all of which have been upgraded to vibrant color since the first publication. I hope you enjoy the book – and if you learn anything at all about making love, please share it with me! Regards, Bruce "Go Ahead and Call Me Ash" Campbell
Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way
What you're reading right now is known as the "flap copy." This is where the 72,444 words of my latest book, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, are cooked down to fit in a 3 1⁄2-by-9 1⁄2-inch column. But how does one do that with a fictional story about a B movie actor's disastrous attempt to finally star in a big-budget Hollywood movie? Do you tantalize readers with snappy zingers like the one in chapter six where Biff the Wonder Boy says, "You may be bred in ol' Kentucky, but you're only a crumb up here"? Or do you reveal pivotal plot points like the one at the end of the book where the little girl on crutches points an accusing finger and shouts, "The killer is Mr. Potter!" I have too much respect for you as an attention-deficient consumer to attempt such an obvious ruse. But let's not play games here. You've already picked up the book, so you either: A. Know who I am B. Like the cool smoking jacket I'm wearing on the cover C. Have just discovered that the bookstore restroom is out of toilet paper Is this a relationship book? Well, if by "relationship book" you mean that the characters in it have relationships or are related to someone, then yes, absolutely. Will you learn how to pick up chicks? Good heavens, I can only hope so, though for best results in that department you should both read this book and be Brad Pitt. Is it a sequel to my autobiography, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor? Sadly, no, which made it much harder to write. According to my publisher, I haven't "done" enough since 2001 to warrant another memoir. Is it an "autobiographical novel"? Yes. I'm the lead character in the story and I'm a real person and everything in the book actually happened, except for all the stuff that didn't. Mostly, the action revolves around my preparations for a pivotal role in director Mike Nichols's A-list relationship film Let's Make Love!, starring Richard Gere, Renée Zellweger, and Christopher Plummer. This is the kind of break most actors can only dream of. But my Homeric attempt to break through the glass ceiling of B-grade genre fare is hampered by a vengeful studio executive and a production that becomes infected by something called the "B movie virus," symptoms of which include excessive use of cheesy special effects, slapstick, and projectile vomiting. When someone fingers me as the guy responsible for the virus, thus ruining my good standing in the entertainment industry (hey, I said it was fiction, okay?), I become a fugitive racing against the clock, an innocent patsy battling the shadowy forces of the studio system to clear my name, save my career, and destroy the Death Star. In a jaw-dropping twist worthy of Hitchcock (page 274), you'll gasp as I turn the tables on Hollywood and attempt to salvage my reputation in a town where you're only as good as your last remake. From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal prison, this novel has it all. If you like John Grisham, Tom Clancy, or one too many run-on sentences, you'll absolutely love Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way. And if the 72,444 words are too time-consuming, there are lots and lots of cool graphics. Regards, Bruce "Don't Call Me Ash" Campbell ~ Bruce Campbell's first book, If Chins Could Kill, was a major sleeper hit and became a New York Times and national bestseller. His immense energy and sharp wit are in evidence again in Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, a novel that will have readers laughing out loud.
If Chins Could Kill
If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor Here we are together in the digital universe. Somehow, you've clicked yourself to this page. If you came here of your own free will and desire, you and I are going to get along just fine. Life is full of choices. Right now, yours is whether or not to download the autobiography of a mid-grade, kind of hammy actor. Am I supposed to know this guy? you think to yourself. No-and that's exactly the point. You can download a terabyte of books about famous actors and their high-falootin' shenanigans. I don't want to be a spoilsport, but we've all been down that road before. Scroll down to that Judy Garland biography. You know plenty about her already-great voice, troubled life. Scroll down a little further to the Charlton Heston book. Same deal. You know his story too-great voice, troubled toupee. The truth is that though you might not have a clue who I am-unless you watch cable very late at night-there are countless working stiffs like me out there, grinding away every day at the wheel of fortune. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor documents my time in blue-collar Hollywood, where movies are cheap, the hours are long, and the filmmaking process can be very personal. To keep up with the times, I've digitized Chins. It was originally published in hardcover/analog fifteen years ago, which is a vast amount of time in the evolution of books and technology, and it was time to get current. The advance of technology is great for a book like this, which is jammed full of pictures. When it came out originally, the photographs all had to be black and white and moderately sized on the page. Now, any photo that was originally taken in color can strut its stuff. Overall, the resolution of the images is off-the-charts better than the first go-around. This is one "sequel" that I'm happy to be a part of, since we could make so many technical improvements. The process was very similar to restoring an old movie. Since I knew that it was going to be reissued, I also had a look at the story being told and decided to condense, move, or clarify some chapters, all or in part. I also tried to add a hint of historical context, since it has been a decade and a half since Chins first came out. I hope you enjoy it. Regards, Bruce Campbell