F Ck Data Mesh
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F*CK DATA MESH
Welcome, brave soul, to a book about data, information and data warehousing. Yes, I know, exciting stuff. You might think this is going to be a thrilling ride through the wild and woolly world of spreadsheets and servers. Or perhaps you expect a riotous romp through the land of acronyms that sound like dodgy cocktails, ETL, BI, SaaS. And, in many ways, you'd be right. But more importantly, this book is your guide to navigating the Upside Down World of data, where truth is as slippery as a politician at a fringe festival and "quality" is often just code for "someone else's problem." Now, before you abandon this tome for a nice walk or a lukewarm pint, let me assure you: this isn't your typical tech manual, promising to turn you into a data demigod by page 20. No, this is a love letter to the chaos, the nonsense, and the occasional brilliance of the data world, told with a nod, a wink, and a smirk that would make Peter Cook and Dudley Moore raise an eyebrow from beyond. Inside, you'll find chapters with titles that sound like the rants of a disgruntled barista or the musings of someone who's had one too many meetings about 'data mesh' (whatever that is). We'll talk about "Data Omens," "Preparing Your Idiot Organisation for Degenerative AI," and why "Data Warehousing Stands in the Way of Progress?" Spoiler: it's complicated. It's like arguing with a Brexit campaigner who's just discovered blockchain and insists it'll fix everything. But fear not. Amidst the madness, there's method, if only to spot the charlatans, decode the gobbledygook, and maybe, just maybe, find a single version of the truth (or at least a decent approximation that won't make you want to throw your laptop out the window).
Advances in Neural Information Processing Systems 17
Papers presented at NIPS, the flagship meeting on neural computation, held in December 2004 in Vancouver.The annual Neural Information Processing Systems (NIPS) conference is the flagship meeting on neural computation. It draws a diverse group of attendees--physicists, neuroscientists, mathematicians, statisticians, and computer scientists. The presentations are interdisciplinary, with contributions in algorithms, learning theory, cognitive science, neuroscience, brain imaging, vision, speech and signal processing, reinforcement learning and control, emerging technologies, and applications. Only twenty-five percent of the papers submitted are accepted for presentation at NIPS, so the quality is exceptionally high. This volume contains the papers presented at the December, 2004 conference, held in Vancouver.
First Impressions
This book is an experiment. Not with any expected outcome in mind, but carried out in the spirit of all fabulous experiments, paradigm shifts and unexpected breakthroughs, this book has been created, compiled and illustrated to force the flourishing of new relationships, juxtapositions and ways of thinking about the sacred, profane and just the everyday dull and boring. Which leads to the preparation of the actual experiment itself. I have taken the first chapter from fourteen titles I have written, and commented on all of these texts in the spirit of gaining first impressions and then seeing if those first impressions are indeed valid. In the process, I have sliced, diced, prepped, deconstructed, reconstructed and randomised certainty, at times with the intervention of serendipity, faux intelligence and ingenious linguistic trickery. This is my fourteenth book, the most postmodern of all. Which, I now realise, is either a testament to an enduring obsession or a worrying refusal to stop talking. Probably both. It's a book of mere bagatelles transformed into a work of pop art and a magical realism installation. Over the past decade, I've written about the many masks worn by life, data and its disciples, from the subdued populism of Make Analytics Great Again to the cursed corporate courtship of [email protected], to the fire-and-fury polemic that was F*ck Data Mesh. I've wandered through boardrooms, battlefields, and back-end databases, occasionally in heels, frequently in jest, and always in pursuit of something resembling truth, or at least a punchline that sounded like one. Bandoxa was my detour into technomythology, a love letter to systems thinking with dragons. Building Insight attempted to teach data storytelling to individuals who primarily sought better charts. Celtic Domination was a historical data fantasy, equal parts politics, poetry, and pivot tables. Come in Pink? That was me drunk on glamour and grief, haunted by velvet ghosts and the soft power of scent. Leadership reared its slippery head in Good Leader/Bad Leader, and its transactional cousin took a beating in Revealing Wealth and its proposals to crack down on tax evasion and illegal uses of tax havens. The End of Honour explored ethical entropy in algorithmic, ignorant, and conceited empires; The Philosopher's Dog asked whether AI can dream of virtue while chasing its own tail. Head Over Heels was romantic, but only if you think falling for a chatbot during a strategy offsite qualifies as romance. Then there is The Good Data Bible, part scripture, part satire, and First Impressions, my rogue collection of literary mischief and misunderstood protagonists, many of whom had nothing to do with data and everything to do with desire. And now, this book. If the previous fourteen works were attempts to draw the map, then this one is me standing at the edge of it, laughing, occasionally screaming, and trying to figure out if the compass was upside down all along. This is not a guidebook. It's a field report from the middle of the data deluge. A love letter, a war cry, a eulogy, sometimes all in the same paragraph. Reader, welcome back. Or welcome for the first time. Either way: hold tight. The dashboards are haunted, the metadata's missing, Wales is still there, and Karen still isn't picking up. But, more importantly, the Celts are gathering and planning a better future for all of us. The End Is Near [version one]. So what are we really doing here? We're kicking the tyres of my own back catalogue, holding a mirror to the mirror, and asking: what exactly did I mean back then, and what does it mean now that I'm questioning it? This isn't about closure, or ego, or retrospective neatness. It's about the delightful instability of meaning. First impressions are rarely accurate, yet they're always revealing. They say more about the observer than the observed. So I've decided to observe myself, which is either an act of radical honesty or just a very elaborate cry for help. Probably both. The End Is Near [version two]. In the end, this book is not an ending at all. It's a beginning disguised as a remix. A Trojan horse filled with footnotes. It's me turning to face the full clutter of my own thoughts, books, delusions, obsessions, and punchlines, not to tidy them up, but to let them run amok. So let's open the box, release the characters, chase the logic, and maybe, if we're lucky, stumble across something true. Or at the very least, something amusing, which in this economy of nonsense is practically the same thing. So what are we really doing here? This book isn't an ending, it's a chaotic remix of first impressions, a self-interrogation disguised as literary archaeology. It's me holding a mirror to my own work. Then another mirror to that, not to tidy up the past but to unleash it, to let the characters and contradictions run wild. Part footnote-stuffed Trojan horse, part introspective stunt, it's a dive into the delightful instability of meaning, and if it doesn't uncover truth, it might at least raise a laugh. Which, frankly, is just as valuable these days. Fourteen books and a galaxy of experiments.